


The Goddamn Batman

by Elenauial



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2012-12-25
Packaged: 2017-11-22 09:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/608115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elenauial/pseuds/Elenauial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben and Leslie have a hard time finding a moment alone...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Goddamn Batman

**Author's Note:**

  * For [automaticdoor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/automaticdoor/gifts).



“Hi there, how are you doing?” Leslie giggled as she followed Ben into his room, close behind him.  
“We already said-” Ben turned around to look at his girlfriend, before realizing what was happening. “Oh, you’re talking to my butt again, aren’t you?”  
Leslie laughed again and held onto his belt-loops as she followed him into the room, leaning forward to place a kiss on the back of his neck.  
After they had entered the room, Ben quickly shut the door behind them, and clasped Leslie’s face in his hands, giving her a quick but firm kiss, pressing her up against the closed door, before pulling away and telling her, “We have to hurry up. Andy and April just left to take Champion on a walk, so we have about 20 minutes.”  
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Leslie grinned, leaning in to kiss him again, before pulling at his belt.  
Smiling as well, Ben leaned forward and tugged Leslie’s shirt over her head and was just about to do the same to her undershirt, when a loud bark rang through the small house.  
“Beeeeennnn!” April’s whine echoed through the halls, and Ben could hear the loud thump of footsteps of Champion bounding along behind her and Andy following shortly after.  
“Ugh, really?” Ben gasped, resting one hand on the frame of the door and smacking his forehead into his palm with the other.  
“How was that a dog walk?” Leslie asked, annoyed and confused, shrugging her shirt back on. “They were gone about two minutes.”  
“Yes, April?” Ben called out, loudly through the door.  
“Our neighbors are jeeeerrrkkksss,” April whined again, getting closer to his room.  
“Yeah, they won’t let Champion poop in their yard,” Ben heard Andy scoff from the living room. “What’s with that?”  
Seeing that Leslie was once again fully clothed, Ben opened the door in shock. “You let Champion poop in someone else’s yard? Did you at least clean it up?”  
“Oh hi Leslie,” April said dismissively and then turned to glare at Ben. “Well, no, but a three-legged dog should be able to poop where ever he likes.”  
Ben’s face fell into his palm once again.

 

“Leslie, where is your bed?” Ben gasped, as Leslie moved from kissing his lips to his neck, pressing him against a large stack of newspapers, about three and a half feet tall.  
“Doesn’t matter,” Leslie muttered, between kisses. “Let’s just do it here.” Her hands trailed down to the buttons down the front of his shirt, undoing them as quickly as she could.  
Ben cooperated, shrugging the shirt down his arms and letting it fall onto the floor.  
“Is this sanitary?” he asked, trying to look over his shoulder at the pile of newspapers she was suggesting they have sex on.  
“Don’t worry about it,” Leslie said, tugging his pants down with all the determination that she applied to everything in her life.  
“Leslie, I don’t think-” Ben tried to start; when she pushed him back against the newspapers forcefully and his train of thought was derailed as Leslie was pulling down his underwear.  
“Oh, Leslie,” Ben was groaning, it didn’t matter, they could do it on newspapers, they could do it anywhere at this point, because it had been so long since they had to chance to be alone together, when…  
“YEEEEE-OOOOWWW!” A loud cry erupted from behind the stack of newspapers and watched as an orange furry lump dashed past him.  
“Leslie, what was that?” Ben gasped, his attention drawn away from his girlfriend. “Was that a cat? I didn’t know you had a cat!”  
Leslie looked up, looking incredibly excited at the prospect.  
“Oh my gosh!” she said, excitedly, trying to look down the hall where the cat had dashed off to. “That was Jangle Bo Jingles!”  
“So you do have a cat?” Ben asked, pulling his underwear and pants back up, the mood kind of ruined.  
“No, Ben, Jangle Bo Jingles!” Leslie said, rolling her eyes as if that was supposed to mean something to him.  
Ben looked at her, confused, gesturing for her to go on.  
“Jangle Bo Jingles!” Leslie repeated, “Number 8 on Pawnee’s Most Wanted List!”  
“Wait, a feral cat is living in your house?!?” Ben squawked, jumping away from the stack of newspapers as fast as he could.  
“I wonder if I can catch him!” Leslie said, dashing off, after the cat, pulling up her skirt and straightening her shirt as she went.  
“This is ridiculous,” Ben groaned, looking right and left at the mess that was Leslie’s house.

 

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since he and Leslie were able to find more than a moment alone. At his house, he couldn’t find a second to get away from Andy and April, and he was pretty sure that even stepping foot inside Leslie’s house was a health hazard, something he wasn’t willing to risk again after having a feral cat fly past his head. But he had had enough.  
“Hey, Ben, you had something to show-” Leslie said, rounding the corner to Ben’s room, when she saw what she had been brought over to see.  
She let out a small startled shriek, before doing a double-take. “Ben, is that-Ben, you look good.” She purred, taking in the sight.  
Ben smiled and posed with his hands on his hips. “You think so? It’s not too silly?”  
“No, not at all,” Leslie said appreciatively, walking a circle around him and giving his ass a firm squeeze. “When did you get a Batman costume?”  
“Donna and Tom persuaded me to get it,” Ben confessed. “I went with them to their ‘Treat Yo Self’ day.”  
“You have this for months?” Leslie gasped in outrage. “And you didn’t show it to me?”  
Ben shrugged. “We were broken up at the time. And afterwards, I thought it was kind of a silly purchase. I never buy expensive, frivolous things like this. I kind of put it in the back of my closet and forgot about it.”  
“Well I’m so glad you’re showing me now,” Leslie purred, circling closer to him, grabbing his ass firmly and leaning in to give him a kiss.  
Finally, Ben thought to himself, leaning to give her a deep kiss, taking care not to have the nose of the costume’s mask hit her cheek. His arms had just encircled her waist when he heard the sound of the front door opening, followed by the sound of Champion barking enthusiastically, his claws pittering as he ran across the floor.  
“Seriously? Again?” Ben gasped aloud.  
“Beeeeeennnnnn!” he heard April whine again as she entered the house.  
“Seriously?” Ben repeated, before shouting loudly, “April, you were going to Chicago, how in the world are you back already?”  
“Beeeennnnnn,” April repeated, opening his door, before noticing what he was wearing and taking a step back. “Woah,” she gasped. “Hi Leslie.”  
Leslie waved silently, and April continued, “So Andy and I were-”  
“April, I don’t care!” Ben shouted, angrily. “Get out!”  
“Ben, what’s going on?” April asked, taking a small step back.  
“Get. OUT.” He shouted, booming in his best impersonation of the Batman voice.  
April’s eyes widened and she turned around and left the room, and he listened as he heard Champion’s footsteps bounding out of the house and the door closing behind them.  
He turned to Leslie with a smile, “Now,” he smirked. “Where were we?”


End file.
